How do I find the right therapist?
I cannot stress this enough- finding the right therapist is everything! It is soooo important that studies have shown time and time again that the single most important factor in a person’s ability to grow in therapy and be successful in addressing their issues is not necessarily the approach used in therapy, but the relationship that develops between a therapist and a patient. What does this mean? This means that the degree to which you will be able to heal will largely depend on the strength of the relationship you are able to build with your therapist.
Why am I writing this? Let me start by saying there are many great therapists out there! Unfortunately, there are some that are not so great, but they are few and far between (luckily). Many, many more are good, genuine, educated individuals who take their jobs and your wellbeing seriously. However, just because someone is a good therapist (or a great one), does not mean they will necessarily be great for you! Have you ever dated someone? Or made a great friend? It is very likely that you met many good people, but not everyone became your friend. You just did not “click”! I believe a similar click needs to happen in therapy too, for it to be as beneficial as it has the potential to be.
So how do you find the right therapist?
1. Try to find one that offers free initial consolation: This does not have to be an hour-long consultation. In fact, it should not be that long! This is just a short initial conversion for both you and your therapist to see if you are the right fit for one another, and check on logistics, such as availability of appointment times that work for you, insurance coverage, general approach to therapy, etc.
2. Interview your therapist: ASK QUESTIONS! This is sooooo important. Ask your therapist to explain their approach to you in a way that is easy for you to understand. How can they help you? How much experience do they have in treating problems like what you are presenting with? Are they more direct in their approach? Or do they take a more supportive, quiet, client-centered approach?
3. ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED: Do not be afraid to speak up! Many of us are familiar with and have experience in many different approaches and styles. We use different styles for different patients, as appropriate. However, sometimes it is hard to know if you need a little more gentle pushing, or you prefer all the support and compassion you can get in the moment. That is why it Is so important for you to ask your therapist for what you want or need, and very often you will get it.
4. Provide feedback: This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Therapists are people who sometimes make mistakes, forget, misjudge situations, etc. If you notice your therapist is doing or saying something you do not like or understand, or if he or she is not saying something you need to hear, just let them know! Again, chances are whatever you say will be received with grace and honored by your therapist.
Look for a new therapist when needed: Therapy is a process during which things change. Maybe your circumstances change, maybe you change, or your therapist. Suddenly you could find yourself dissatisfied or not fully thriving under the care of your therapist. It is okay to say that to your therapist, part ways and find yourself someone else! Remember, this is YOUR journey. No one should ever be hurt or offended by you saying it does not work for you anymore and moving on! And if they are, that is not your problem! They likely need to work on their clinical skills, because every good therapist knows that they cannot possibly be the right fit for everyone, and every great therapist ALWAYS puts your well-being first!
Dr. Djurovic